Book Review: Surviving the Year of Firsts: A Mom's Guide to Grieving Child Loss.

​I met Alycia W Morales over breakfast the morning before the 2023 Blue Ridge Mountains Christian Writers Conference. While I figured out whether I liked North Carolina style grits and why the bacon didn’t bend, we chatted about books and writing and life. Over the course of our conversation, I learned Alycia had lost a son only a few years before. His name was Caleb, he was only 19 when he died.
How on earth does someone navigate grief like that? How do you pick yourself up and keep going, day after day, when the grief and loss is so raw and heartbreaking? I cannot even begin to imagine what it would be like, and yet Alycia has faced her grief and written about it in her new book.

Surviving the year of firsts: a mom’s guide to grieving child loss is a courageous, honest book written from Alycia’s experience of grief and her heart to walk alongside mothers in similar situations. The book is arranged in 52 chapters and interspersed with intimate glimpses of Alycia’s own first year. This allows readers to not only connect with the author’s story, but to feel a sense of community, knowing the author is someone who understands because she too has been in the hard places. 

What really stood out for me about this book was the compassionate voice Alycia takes with her reader. Very early on, she acknowledges the mental toll grief can take: the brain fog, the emotional exhaustion, the unpredictability of it all. In response, her chapters are very short and clustered in thematic groups, such as: ‘Finding hope’, ‘Survival self-care’ and ‘Surviving triggers’. Although there are obviously some benefits from reading the book chronologically, I got the sense that Alycia wouldn’t mind readers skipping to and from chapters as they felt the need. And that readers could return to the book at different stages to revise and revisit content.

As a book about grief, this book really is a companion to the first year. Each chapter explores a theme connected to loss, and then invites readers into a space of reflection. With Scripture passages and journaling questions along the way, Alycia offers grieving parents companionship for surviving and finding hope in that first incredibly difficult year. For me, someone who has not lost a child, I found the book really helpful to understand the intensity and rawness that first year presents. I also resonated with some of Alycia's reflections about the way grief and joy can co-exist, and the toll grief can take. Reading this book made me feel better equipped to walk alongside friends who have been through the loss of a child. 

I reached out to Alycia just before the launch of her book and asked a few questions:

Penny: Grief is often a very private thing, what was it that prompted you to write for others about the first year?
Alycia: 'When Caleb passed, I looked for books that specifically discussed losing a child and how to live with that grief. Most of the books I came across regarding grief focused on the loss of a spouse or a parent, not a child. Or they were on grief in general. The loss of a child is a very specific grief, and not many books covered it.
I process by writing and talking with God. I knew a lot of my friends and family would be wondering how we were doing, so I posted my personal grief journey on social media. As I did, more and more people were commenting and thanking me for sharing. It was then I decided to write a book about the grief of child loss for others. I wanted them to know they aren't alone in their grief, and that the things they're experiencing are normal.'

Penny: Why was the first year the focus?
Alycia: 'I had never heard of "The Year of Firsts" until Caleb passed. I wasn't even thinking about all the firsts that would occur until someone mentioned it. When we moms become pregnant, there are all sorts of guides about what to expect during pregnancy and beyond. But there aren't guides about what to expect if your child dies. I wanted to fill that need. That first year without your child is rough. Especially as you approach birthdays, Mother's Day, and favorite holidays. Then there are the births and baby dedications and weddings and graduations and all the events your child will never go through that are constant reminders of their absence. And rather than have a mama stuff her grief and push through, I wanted to encourage her to grieve in a healthy manner and to remind her that she is not alone. God is always with her, especially in her grief.'

Penny: For those of us who haven’t lost a child, what do you hope we learn from your book?
Alycia: 'I hope my book affords those who haven't lost a child some insight into what a grieving mom is going through. That's the comment I received most when I was posting my journey on social media. "Thanks for sharing. Now I know what you're going through," or "now I know how to help someone else." Not only that, but I also hope you learn some techniques for dealing with your own grief, no matter what form it represents.'

Penny: One of the things I loved about your book was the way you wrote about Caleb and honoured his personality and sense of life. What do you think his response would be to the ministry of hope and healing this book offers?
Alycia: 'Caleb always held a compassion and concern for others. He was always ready to help someone in need. He cared about others' stories. He wanted to know you in an intimate way, not just the surface of who you are as a person. He went deep with people. He was a deep thinker who had the light of joy in his eyes. I think his response would be incredibly positive. I think he's probably talking with God about how great it is that his mom took the pain of his death and turned it into something good that would minister healing to the hearts of other moms out there.'

​​All the details you need:
Title: Surviving the year of firsts: a mom’s guide to grieving child loss.
Written by: Alycia W Morales
Publisher: A Word in Season
Available from Amazon