One month on: reflections on a life without the 'socials'.

So... here's an honest post. 
Last month I decided to take a 'break' from social media. (You can read more about why I did that here.) That word 'break' is kind of ambiguous though, isn't it? I remember way back in high school when the boy I loved suggested we take a 'break' from our teenage romance. I quickly realised 'break' meant 'break up'. So, what about me and Meta? Are we over? Or are we just readjusting the boundaries of our relationship? 
Silliness aside, it's been a little confronting to go cold turkey on my relationship with the socials. It's unearthed all sorts of questions. And it's only been one month! 

Here are some of the observations I've made so far:

• I was more reliant on the socials than I thought!

I liked to think it was only 'young people these days' who had a problem with social media and used to hold my head up with pride because I used it differently. I was a 'professional'. A responsible author, connecting with readers and a caring friend. However, once I pulled the plug I quickly realised that sure, I might have been doing those things... but I'd also just been scrolling for likes, seeking mindless entertainment, filling time, and responding to dopamine hits. If it wasn't an addiction, it was close. A sobering thought. 

• My habit of checking in on the socials was so ingrained that I'm still pausing over the missing apps one month on.

Honestly, I thought it would be a week of reaching for my phone and going 'oh yeah, I'm not on Instagram these days'. But no! I still find myself drawn to my phone looking for something, unlocking my screen and then wondering why I did so. I'm genuinely curious to discover how long it will take before I stop subconsciously gravitating to the socials. 

• I'm deconstructing boredom and discovering time I didn't think I had.

The funny thing about unwittingly reaching for the socials when they are no longer there (I literally removed the apps from my phone) is that when I realise I'm doing it, a little beacon in my mind goes off. Like a signpost, I'm becoming more aware of what's going on inside. Sometimes boredom is the cause (I have a few minutes to kill before I take the potatoes out of the oven). Realising the boredom for what it is, I find I'm pursuing other options (read another chapter, answer that email, play with the dog). At other times, there's something deeper going on. Maybe I'm feeling lonely or sad, anxious or dis-satisfied. Being cognisant of this allows me to take pause, acknowledge the feelings and respond in a more helpful way. 

• My brain is coming back!

Now this is exciting. Yes, I'm still dealing with fatigue and health things but even with all that going on (and a recent run of sickness in the family) I'm finding my mind is making connections again. When I sit down to write or work on my research, those connections are paying off and my writing is benefiting from the time and space to think. (Time and space that I must have been filling with reels, scrolling and navigating algorithms). 

•  I'm being more deliberate about connecting with people.

Without the option of just scrolling and picking up the news by social-osmosis, I'm reaching out in other ways to connect with friends. For me (and I'm not saying this would be everyone's experience) using Facebook to 'connect' was actually giving me permission to be a lazy friend. While I haven't suddenly transformed into the world's greatest friend during my one month off the socials, but it has given me a lot to think about. 

So... Will I be heading back to regular posting on the social platforms? Um... No, not yet. My 'break', however long it ends up being, has been really helpful. Tough. Revealing. Humbling too. But with me over here, and Meta over there, this break is reminding me how to 'be'.