This is a post for writers. It is about our attempts to build an author platform and the challenge to stay small. Or at least, that's what I thought it was going to be about when I first started...

Attempt #7:
​I've written this post six times already, and each time I've sighed, deleted and stared again at the blank page. It would be easy to blame it on writer's block. But I don't think that's it. It's more like a stubborn inability to get into words what has been buzzing around in my brain.
If you've been following my journey this year, you'll know it has involved a lot of slowing down. Just before the middle of the year, I took a break from social media and the impact of that decision continues to reverberate through my writing life. It's as if I've been having a staring competition with my author platform and my platform isn't winning...

A spindly branch of wattle blossoms from the bushland at the end of my street. And a spindly 'think' from my journal where I'm musing about faith and trust and the Refiner's work of love.

***   ​

You
meet me
where the heart is aching.
You
hold me
​when the cracks begin to show.​

So... here's an honest post. 
Last month I decided to take a 'break' from social media. (You can read more about why I did that here.) That word 'break' is kind of ambiguous though, isn't it? I remember way back in high school when the boy I loved suggested we take a 'break' from our teenage romance. I quickly realised 'break' meant 'break up'. So, what about me and Meta? Are we over? Or are we just readjusting the boundaries of our relationship? 
Silliness aside, it's been a little confronting to go cold turkey on my relationship with the socials. It's unearthed all sorts of questions. And it's only been one month! 

​If you read my last blog post, you might be thinking that my author life has been very busy and productive lately, and I guess this is partly true. But behind the scenes of these exciting opportunities another version of the story is in progress. A much slower one. One that has me grappling with the gift and struggle of how to ‘be still’ (Psalm 46:10). ​

Thinking to myself about limits and disappointments, weariness and pretense, I wrote this in my journal. I know the word failure can be contentious - it's not a popular word to apply to ourselves - but despite all the positive self talk in the world, and the way we can spin our failures to be steps towards success, I believe there are still days when we feel/know our failing deeply. This 'think' is for those days. ​

***

​Quit pretending
that you have it all together, 
that your dreams came true
and you look upon your life
with satisfaction. 
The truth is
and you know, know, know it